When Joy Doesn’t Choose You
Hey Guys, I’m so glad you’re here!
Today I want to share a little bit of my story with you. My hope is that it can help you choose joy today, even if it feels like joy isn’t choosing you.
Let’s get into it!
A Season of Change
In 2017, I was turning 29 and decided to make my last year in my 20s special. I created a “30 Before 30” challenge—30 new things to experience before my 30th birthday. I even started a blog and asked friends and family to help me figure out what to do. It was going to be a year of personal growth and joy.
A close friend of mine gave me a happiness journal. Her challenge was simple: write down one thing I was grateful for every day. I loved the idea in theory, and meant to do it, but I made the mistake of putting it into my backpack where it floated down to the land of old chapsticks, long forgotten pens and rogue hair ties.*
Life was busy with a newborn and a toddler, and things were going great. Why would I need a journal to feel happy?
Then my world turned upside down.
When Life Turns Upside Down
About two months after my 29th birthday, I noticed something strange. I’m usually a high-energy person, but suddenly, I felt exhausted all the time. I blamed it on life with little kids, but the fatigue got worse, and soon I started experiencing intense and unmanageable pain that started in my leg and progressively moved throughout my entire body. After many many appointments and countless tests, I was diagnosed with a serious autoimmune disease.
At first, Wes and I were optimistic—the doctor said it was caught early, and treatment should be simple. But things didn’t go as planned and the treatments that should have worked, didn’t. I can’t even remember the number of medications we tried - endless pills and shots.**
Between battling this illness and the side effects of the medications I found myself struggling to do the most basic things—getting down on the floor to play with my kids, keeping up at work or doing simple things around the house. When my 30th birthday came, we had to cancel the party we’d planned because I was too sick from a new round of medications
Consider it All Joy…
I often find myself returning to the book of James in scripture. It’s practical, always relevant and short.***
So in this season where I wasn’t sure where to turn, I turned to James.
I didn’t have to read very far before something jumped off the page.
James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Joy?! Are you kidding?
Ya’ll real talk… I didn’t want to consider ANYTHING joy in this moment. I was in constant pain that held my attention in a vice. I was exhausted from the mask I felt like I needed to wear as I reassured those around me that I was ‘okay’ and doing my best to be present for my family. And I was mourning the loss of what I thought life was supposed to look like.
Why on earth would I choose joy, if joy wasn’t choosing me.
This is what we need to see — James wasn’t saying trials are joyful—he was saying we can choose to see them that way. We can choose to view trials as opportunities to grow. It’s like when you ask your spouse to take the trash out, they may say something like “consider it done!” This doesn’t mean that the trash is on the curb, but rather that we should think about it like it already is- because it will be.
I wasn’t quite ready to consider any of this joy, but then I cleaned out my backpack…
Gratitude
I couldn’t find something I needed, so in frustration I dumped my backpack out on the floor and out came the small journal my friend had given me.
I had tried everything else, why not try gratitude?
At first my attempts were pretty pathetic.
Thank you, God, that it’s only 100 degrees today instead of 105.
Thanks for the 30-minute traffic jam instead of a 45-minute one.
Thanks for the baby only throwing up on me once today.
I’m pretty sure I wasn’t giving it my best effort, but little by little my perspective began to change.
My focus slowly shifted to things I hadn’t noticed before. I saw how Wes and I were growing closer as we learned to lean on each other in new and different ways. I began to really notice how my friends and family checked in on us, prayed for us and showed up at just the right moments. And in an incredible moment of clarity- I was overwhelmed by how blessed I was to have children who wanted to play with their mom.
Slowly but surely, gratitude took the blinders off my eyes, and I began to see the beauty in my life, even in the struggle. I couldn’t believe it, but I was learning to consider it all joy.
A breaking point
It began to feel like everything was looking up. I was choosing joy, my relationships were thriving and we had found a medication that was working. And then I had a setback.
The feelings of defeat rushed back in like a tidal wave.
My bible sat open on my nightstand to James and I glanced over at the verses that had been running on repeat in my mind for the past months. I didn’t want to consider it all joy - what I wanted to do was slam the bible shut - but instead, I read …
James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
and I kept reading…
James 1:4
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
I needed to let perseverance finish it’s work.
Considering it all joy isn’t a one time fix, it needed to become a well worn path in my life.
This season of my life was brutal, but I’m better for it, and I’ve learned the incredible power of choosing joy, even when it feels like joy isn’t choosing you.
If This is You…
If you’re struggling with Joy today- I see you.
Being told to “consider it all joy” can feel unhelpful or even insulting in the midst of difficult circumstances, but I can tell you from experience that it’s worth the work to find out.
A simple place to start: Gratitude.
You can start so small if you have to- and maybe even a little sarcastic -God can handle it. Work that gratitude muscle and see what happens.
Don’t let your struggle steal your joy.
You may not have chosen your circumstances, but you can choose joy in the midst of them.
Challenge
Take a moment to think about one thing you’re grateful for right now. If you can think of 2… or 102. It doesn’t have to be profound—start small if you need to. If you’re struggling to find something, I understand. But don’t give up. Gratitude opens our eyes to the good in our lives, and when we practice it, we learn to choose joy.
A Prayer for Today:
Lord, help us to choose joy today. Teach us to see the beauty in the struggle and to find gratitude in every moment. Let perseverance finish its work in us, so we may be complete, lacking nothing.
Thank you for allowing me to tell you some of my story - it was a difficult season of my life that has become foundational to my faith and my outlook on life- and I’m grateful you’ve taken the time to let me share it with you.
Next Week
Over the next few weeks we’re going to dive into fun topics of anxiety, fear and resentment- it’ll be a blast. See you next week!
*For my Princess Bride fans… My backpack is the pit of despair…
**True story… I made Wes tell me I was brave and pretty every time I gave myself a shot - he’s the best and never let me do any of this alone.
*** Real talk… Sometimes you need the short read.
